I often get very anxious over things I have no control over, like animal over-population, the destruction of habitat, war, and over things that might happen, but not likely, like someone is going to hurt my pets. Last night, I was in a dither over taking some feral cats to be spayed at a feral cat clinic. I made up a terrible scenario in my head about how it was going to be a bloodbath. I knew that this was silly, that this clinic was going to be fine, and I would meet other people there who felt like I did about animals, but I still felt terrible.
So I took a Kava. This is a bottle from before the big furor over it, so it is 850 mgs of Kava kava root.
It worked like a charm. Before long, I was writing my story and not obsessing over unlikely events. It felt like having a stranglehold taken away, I could breathe, I felt happy.
The new Kava I got comes in 200 mg doses, which appears to be as much as you can get per pill. I did try two of the 850s a month ago or so and I thought that felt like too much. I can remember why--it just seemed like I had a light-headed feeling when I took that much.
May 31, 2008
Good Effect from St Johns Wort
I have now been taking SJW for a little over two weeks, and I think it's really helping. I'm taking a "twice a day" formula from Solaray (have to verify that). I have been able to write in the last few days, I went for a bike ride with D, and I am interested in my garden projects again, or perhaps I should say, more interested. I just feel lighter and happier.
May 21, 2008
Off the Medication
Right now, I am taking St Johns Wort and some Kava. I can tell when I take the Kava, it makes me more alert and less anxious and obsessive, but so far (only a week in) I can't tell if the STW makes a difference.
My perceived mind is: obsessive, anxious, circular, sad, convinced that all the bad things are about to happen right now. I am constantly aware of all the bad things about the world. I don't think I am writing or imagining as effectively as when I was on Wellbutrin. My dreams are colorful, but I can't remember them very well.
The more I think about it, the more I think I must need something like Adderall, like Sarah and I were talking about. Something to help my sluggish frontal lobe make the connections it needs to (or whatever that Shadow Syndromes book said for ADD, or was it autism?) I think that's how the Wellbutrin worked for me. I think that may be what Kava does, too.
I went for an hour's walk, and at first I was obsessive and couldn't stop thinking about my weight, my age, my lack of ability, how I need to exercise but I don't want to. I observed that my brain wouldn't let me enjoy the walk. Half way in, I felt more hopeful, happier, I thought more about David and how he and I could exercise together. I felt more positive. At the end of the walk, I felt fairly happy, and I could put aside my obsessions about weight, animal cruelty, the loss of open land, and my own concerns, a little, anyway.
I think that exercise may be critical to my mental health, but I think being unable to exercise is a common symptom of depression. I would like to find exercise that is as interesting to me as writing my novel is, as intriguing as reading a novel. Boring old repetitive exercise will never do it.
My perceived mind is: obsessive, anxious, circular, sad, convinced that all the bad things are about to happen right now. I am constantly aware of all the bad things about the world. I don't think I am writing or imagining as effectively as when I was on Wellbutrin. My dreams are colorful, but I can't remember them very well.
The more I think about it, the more I think I must need something like Adderall, like Sarah and I were talking about. Something to help my sluggish frontal lobe make the connections it needs to (or whatever that Shadow Syndromes book said for ADD, or was it autism?) I think that's how the Wellbutrin worked for me. I think that may be what Kava does, too.
I went for an hour's walk, and at first I was obsessive and couldn't stop thinking about my weight, my age, my lack of ability, how I need to exercise but I don't want to. I observed that my brain wouldn't let me enjoy the walk. Half way in, I felt more hopeful, happier, I thought more about David and how he and I could exercise together. I felt more positive. At the end of the walk, I felt fairly happy, and I could put aside my obsessions about weight, animal cruelty, the loss of open land, and my own concerns, a little, anyway.
I think that exercise may be critical to my mental health, but I think being unable to exercise is a common symptom of depression. I would like to find exercise that is as interesting to me as writing my novel is, as intriguing as reading a novel. Boring old repetitive exercise will never do it.
Generic Drugs
Mary K., I just got back from my appointment with Dr. G. He told me an interesting fact about the requirements for generics. He said that at the doctor's conferences he'd been to, they were told that generics are only required to be 70% as effective as the original name brand only 70% of the time. hmm.... That's pretty ineffective! Love, Sarah
May 14, 2008
Going off Anti-depression medication
Sarah gave me great advice for going off anti-depression medicine; if you experience nausea, which is pretty common, take Dramamine or ginger root.
Celexa side effects
I started to take Celexa in 2001. I only took one pill, and despite having very strong hope that the medicine would help (because Effexor had worked so well), I spent the whole night insomniac, walking the streets of my complex, completely paranoid and fearful. It seemed like a hallucinatory experience, rather than a panic attack.
Effexor side effects
I took Effexor in 1999, I think. It really worked for my depression, but I stopped using it after about 8 months because it had a very unpleasant side effect: at night, I sweat so much that I had to changed the sheets, sometimes twice a night. I don't remember any other severe or memorable side effects.
SAM-e side effects
I can't say whether SAM-e works or not, but it does initially have an unpleasant side effect: for the first few days I took it, it gave me uncomfortable, though not debilitating, stomach cramps. You are supposed to take it on an empty stomach, and that may make it worse. After taking it a few times, the cramps seemed to subside, but I don't feel sure enough of the desired effects to keep taking it right now. I'm going back to St Johns Wort, which I haven't used in many years, and which I hope will have the same good effect it used to have.
SJW was initially really helpful, but after about a year or so, I began feeling worse again and went back on something prescribed, I think. Effexor?
SJW was initially really helpful, but after about a year or so, I began feeling worse again and went back on something prescribed, I think. Effexor?
May 11, 2008
Talk Therapy
I started in talk therapy in 1995, I think. I don't know why I didn't go before; my sister had been diagnosed with depression, and I had taken many self-help tests that indicated that I had a moderate to severe depression myself. I believe the excuse was, "I don't have enough money." I also felt afraid that help wouldn't help, and then I would really feel bad. But I think that ultimately, it was because I thought that I was not that different from everyone else, and if they could be happy, so should I be.
The first therapist I went to blamed everything on my father, because he sometimes used a belt to punish me. She had me so upset that I could have had an accident when leaving her place. I realized quickly that she was a nut-ball. If occasional corporal punishment gave a person a lifetime of deep depression, our distant ancestors would not have survived two generations. Silly.
The next person I went to was wonderful. She was a little centered
... to be continued...
The first therapist I went to blamed everything on my father, because he sometimes used a belt to punish me. She had me so upset that I could have had an accident when leaving her place. I realized quickly that she was a nut-ball. If occasional corporal punishment gave a person a lifetime of deep depression, our distant ancestors would not have survived two generations. Silly.
The next person I went to was wonderful. She was a little centered
... to be continued...
Herbal Supplements
On Tue, May 6, 2008 at 11:58 AM, Mary K wrote:
I did some more research, and considered my options as a potentially uninsured person and decided to try the herbal supplements again instead of going back on Wellbutrin.
But reading led to some interesting ideas--apparently, Wellbutrin has been studied as a treatment for ADD, though results are inconclusive. I think it does help with my anxiety/obsessive thing, that seems similar to your experience of ADD. I really think you're right, the Adderall could help me even more, without treating what doesn't need to be treated right now, as I don't feel depressed.
Knowing that going on another medication right now would make it hard for me to get insured, I researched some alternatives. There isn't anything that says "this is like Adderall" except for some combination medications that make me a little worried because they seem like snake oil and you wonder what in the world you are taking. However, SAM-e is touted in some locations as helpful for ADD, and it has both a calming and an energizing effect, which sounds like Kava and like Adderall.
So, in the interests of overkill, I ordered more Kava (yay! It's available again!), SAM-e, and St Johns Wort. Kava is recommended only as an occasional supplement, so I got that for those days when I am really stressed out; I used to use St Johns Wort and had a good experience with it, though it wasn't enough at the time; and I want to try the SAM-e because it is ok for long-term use.
These are the sites I found useful:
http://www.healingdaily.com/conditions/sam-e-3.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kava
I did some more research, and considered my options as a potentially uninsured person and decided to try the herbal supplements again instead of going back on Wellbutrin.
But reading led to some interesting ideas--apparently, Wellbutrin has been studied as a treatment for ADD, though results are inconclusive. I think it does help with my anxiety/obsessive thing, that seems similar to your experience of ADD. I really think you're right, the Adderall could help me even more, without treating what doesn't need to be treated right now, as I don't feel depressed.
Knowing that going on another medication right now would make it hard for me to get insured, I researched some alternatives. There isn't anything that says "this is like Adderall" except for some combination medications that make me a little worried because they seem like snake oil and you wonder what in the world you are taking. However, SAM-e is touted in some locations as helpful for ADD, and it has both a calming and an energizing effect, which sounds like Kava and like Adderall.
So, in the interests of overkill, I ordered more Kava (yay! It's available again!), SAM-e, and St Johns Wort. Kava is recommended only as an occasional supplement, so I got that for those days when I am really stressed out; I used to use St Johns Wort and had a good experience with it, though it wasn't enough at the time; and I want to try the SAM-e because it is ok for long-term use.
These are the sites I found useful:
http://www.healingdaily.com/conditions/sam-e-3.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kava
The Raven, Edgar Allan Poe
I think that Edgar Allen Poe wrote some lines in "The Raven" that are very descriptive of depression (even if that wasn't exactly what he meant to describe.) The quote is: "Take thy beak from out my heart, Take thy form from off my door." The Raven Is the black bird of depression.
Sarah
Sarah
Cutting Wellbutrin XL in Half
March 19, 2006 6:34:07 PM EST
I've had some problem with depression since I was sick, off and on. Enough to make me nervous. When I couldn't find my 150 wellbutrin XL, W. thought I should just half a 300. I didn't think you were supposed to, but did anyway for three or four days maybe. During that time I had more stomach disturbance and I also noticed I was pretty hyper, but I felt good. Now I'm back on 300XL with a 150XL added as I was supposed to. I feel a little low, not bad, but I hope my mood picks up. Last time Dr. G. said he didn't think I needed any added medication despite the depressed state during and after the flu. He says these things naturally affect a person's system and cause some problems. Maybe I didn't make it clear enough how depressed I was (which was kind of bad). It could be he thought I was only a little low like now. Dr. G. did say to call him if I became depressed when there seemed nothing extra to cause it.
I've had some problem with depression since I was sick, off and on. Enough to make me nervous. When I couldn't find my 150 wellbutrin XL, W. thought I should just half a 300. I didn't think you were supposed to, but did anyway for three or four days maybe. During that time I had more stomach disturbance and I also noticed I was pretty hyper, but I felt good. Now I'm back on 300XL with a 150XL added as I was supposed to. I feel a little low, not bad, but I hope my mood picks up. Last time Dr. G. said he didn't think I needed any added medication despite the depressed state during and after the flu. He says these things naturally affect a person's system and cause some problems. Maybe I didn't make it clear enough how depressed I was (which was kind of bad). It could be he thought I was only a little low like now. Dr. G. did say to call him if I became depressed when there seemed nothing extra to cause it.
Side Effects of Paxil
Sent: Saturday, February 28, 2004 1:15 PM
I'm feeling a whole lot less sleepy since I'm working my way off paxil. I don't know what it could be replaced with, but really don't need to be so sleepy all the time. The actual reason I'm getting off it is that suddenly the side effects got much worse (not sleepiness). I always had scritchy feeling in my teeth and jaw clenching, and unsteady stomach, but I could put up with it, but it got worse. I woke up having the fingernails on the chalkboard feeling in stomach and chest. I felt very unsteady and nervous. I also felt downright throwupy. The medication I was on before the paxil was Lexipro. I had tried it earlier and it promptly made me feel ill, but then I thought maybe I didn't give it a long enough try. So, I was trying it again. Well, it started to give me very weird disturbing dreams every time I slept and since every med. but wellbutrin seems to make me sleepy slipping into sleep or semi-sleep happens quite a bit. I felt like I was in a strange disturbing world all the time. So I quit taking it. Anyway you're familiar with the the joys of side effects. Wheee!
I'm feeling a whole lot less sleepy since I'm working my way off paxil. I don't know what it could be replaced with, but really don't need to be so sleepy all the time. The actual reason I'm getting off it is that suddenly the side effects got much worse (not sleepiness). I always had scritchy feeling in my teeth and jaw clenching, and unsteady stomach, but I could put up with it, but it got worse. I woke up having the fingernails on the chalkboard feeling in stomach and chest. I felt very unsteady and nervous. I also felt downright throwupy. The medication I was on before the paxil was Lexipro. I had tried it earlier and it promptly made me feel ill, but then I thought maybe I didn't give it a long enough try. So, I was trying it again. Well, it started to give me very weird disturbing dreams every time I slept and since every med. but wellbutrin seems to make me sleepy slipping into sleep or semi-sleep happens quite a bit. I felt like I was in a strange disturbing world all the time. So I quit taking it. Anyway you're familiar with the the joys of side effects. Wheee!
Fighting the Dragon, by Sue Ridout
From Sarah
Sent: Saturday, February 28, 2004 1:15 PM
I just watched a video I got from the Library about depression. It was very good, and up to date. It's called "Fighting the Dragon", appropriately enough. Its by Sue Ridout. It talks about various treatments, some of them very new and experimental. It tells about the depressions of several people and the course of their treatment. Hearing other peoples problems with it help me feel not so isolated. It mentions that talk therapy has really been shown to change brain chemistry, which is very encouraging to me. You feel like you're not totally dependent on drugs. Not that I mind drugs of course. I just like to know that maybe I could help myself. Actually, I think it would be good to get some of the other people in our family to see that video. It might help them understand us better (me, you, and Mike).
Sent: Saturday, February 28, 2004 1:15 PM
I just watched a video I got from the Library about depression. It was very good, and up to date. It's called "Fighting the Dragon", appropriately enough. Its by Sue Ridout. It talks about various treatments, some of them very new and experimental. It tells about the depressions of several people and the course of their treatment. Hearing other peoples problems with it help me feel not so isolated. It mentions that talk therapy has really been shown to change brain chemistry, which is very encouraging to me. You feel like you're not totally dependent on drugs. Not that I mind drugs of course. I just like to know that maybe I could help myself. Actually, I think it would be good to get some of the other people in our family to see that video. It might help them understand us better (me, you, and Mike).
George Gordon, Lord Byron
George Gordon, Lord Byron: 'I should, many a good day, have blown my brains out, but for the recollection that it would have given pleasure to my mother-in-law; and even then, if I could have been certain to haunt her ...'
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